


Go slow

by GreenPhoenix



Series: Nobody knows [5]
Category: Law & Order: SVU, Oz (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 01:11:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3671907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenPhoenix/pseuds/GreenPhoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toby has a day from hell, Elliot is there for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go slow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [drsquidlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drsquidlove/gifts).



It had been a hellish day. Tobias Beecher had wanted a drink so badly, but thoughts of Holly kept him in check. He would not fail his little girl, or Elliot for that matter, or his clients at the rape crisis center. He needed to keep himself sober for all of them.  
There was this girl who had caused all this, though it wasn’t her fault.  
Poor thing, she was only fifteen and her stepfather had raped her for years.  
Toby heard her story and tried to reassure her that it wasn’t her fault, that her mother’s divorce from the man was a god thing.  
That the man belonged in prison for his deeds.  
Toby knew well the sort of man who belonged in prison.  
He had been one.  
He’d loved one of the worst, the most evil man he’d known.  
Chris Keller was maybe better than Vern Schillinger, but he wasn’t a kind man.  
In Oz, Chris had been a perfect partner, a predator to shield him from others of his kind.  
That he himself had become a predator in Oz was a sad truth he had to face.  
Now he was shedding his Oz persona, layer by toxic layer.  
Shedding skin, but could he chase away the poison within?  
Shedding skin like the snake he was.  
Shedding away the murderer, the prag, and the addict.  
Elliot was a good man, and he deserved the best version of himself that Toby could be.  
So, even if he craved a drink, he didn’t take one.  
He hadn’t craved heroin for years which was good too.  
Now he thought of the girl, her blonde hair falling to frame her sad little face, and how alike Holly she was. Holly in a few years, still sad faced and serious, cradling her dead brother’s ghost behind her.  
He wanted the girl to smile, to talk about boyfriends or school, or boy bands.  
But like Holly she was haunted by the evil that had been done to her.  
By a man not unlike his own dead lover.  
Toby had let go of Chris mostly, but things like this brought him back to life.  
He hadn’t hurt kids, but the blood of those young men was on him.  
Being loved by a man who lived so intensely was gratifying, but in the real world it seemed scary. On the crazy battlegrounds of Oz it made sense.  
Chris had killed people for him, and their blood was on his hands too.  
Toby sighed and called Elliot, hoping he could come over.  
He needed someone tonight, someone warm and secure, like a blanket to shield him from his own darkness.

*  
“I’m coming,” said Elliot. “Just need to finish my report.”  
“I’ll cook,” said Toby and smiled.  
“Toby?” asked Olivia.  
“Yes. He seemed anxious.”  
“Oh. I’m getting the feeling you two could comfort each other,” said Olivia.  
Elliot frowned; Olivia always could read him like a book.  
He had a bad case to put down, a young boy caught by sex traffickers and troubled by his ordeal. The perp was in custody, but cases like that haunted him. Toby sounded equally distraught by his volunteer work. The evening should be a barrel of laughs.

*  
Toby made him lasagna, and they had sparkling water with it. Elliot was a moderate drinker, and for Toby he was ready to quit altogether. Toby could probably handle the temptation now, but better safe than sorry.  
“The girl,” said Toby. “She was so like Holly..”  
“I’m sorry,” said Elliot and stroked Toby’s hand.  
“So am I. I wish she hadn’t had to go through that. If Kathy Rockwell had still been alive..”  
“Toby, don’t..”  
“I know..the anniversary is today. I forgot until now. Her parents must wish Vern had killed me.”  
“Toby..you’re not that person anymore.”  
“Yeah. Maybe I can get the girl to see it’s not her fault. “  
Elliot squeezed Toby’s hand and they sat in silence for a while.  
Later they watched a movie, Elliot’s arm around Toby’s shoulder the whole time.  
Soon they’d have to tell Elliot’s kids about their relationship.  
Soon there’d be many questions to answer about Toby’s past and present, and the small fact that he was a man. Elliot had never told anyone about the other guy.  
The ghost of Chris Keller still haunted them, but he was quieter now.   
Elliot would always keep his promise to Chris, and hopefully that would keep him away.  
“I’m tired,” said Toby. “I just want to sleep tonight.”  
“Me too,” said Elliot. He was wiped out after his day, and being close to Toby was enough.

*  
Elliot held Toby through the night, guarding him from his nightmares. Toby woke up in the middle of the night, shaking. For a second he thought he was back in Oz, and that he was a goner. Elliot soothed him and stroked his hair softly.  
“I wonder if it ever gets better,” he said, sweat clinging to his brow.  
“It will. Just think of how far you’ve come.”  
“Yeah. I guess.”  
“Love you,” said Elliot and Toby leant in to breathe his scent. He pressed a soft kiss to Elliot’s temple, and then he let sleep claim him.  
*  
Rhonda looked at him. “You keep saying it wasn’t my fault. I know that, but I can’t feel it.”  
“Yeah. But you need to keep trying.”  
“I know. Mom tells me that too. She’s sorry she ever married him. Did you ever love someone bad?”  
Oh boy.  
“Yes,” said Toby. “I did. I was in prison so it was not like there were prince Charmings lined up.”  
“Did he hurt you?” she asked, blue eyes wide.  
“Yes. I thought I deserved it, and maybe I did. But I was an adult Rhonda, I made my choices. And sometimes, even as an adult you have no choices, things happen without your consent. You are innocent.”  
“I guess.”  
“Is your mom seeing anyone now?”  
“Yes. He’s a teacher and he’s boring.”  
“But reliable I suppose.”  
“Uh-huh. I guess he’s okay. So your bad man…where is he now?”  
“Dead. If he wasn’t he’d still be in jail.”  
“Oh. Sorry. Well my stepdad won’t be out for long.”  
“Good, look Rhonda you are innocent of his crimes. The sin is not your own. You need to see that.”  
“Sure,” sighed the girl.  
Maybe she would feel it someday.  
*  
Go slow, thought Toby. He had time and maybe things would be okay. One more day had passed without a drink, and he had Elliot. It was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to dr squidlove for asking for more. The phrase “The sin is not your own” is what Frank Pembleton from Homicide tells his partner Tim Bayliss to comfort him about having been abused as a child by his uncle. Fontana loves suffering.


End file.
